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The Psycho-Explorers

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DOWNLOADABLE psychedelic/space rock radio [Oct. 20th, 2007|06:22 pm]
The Psycho-Explorers

So, I'm posting to advertise my hoppin' new psych radio show, Your Mind and We Belong Together, featuring classic and contemporary mindwarpers alike. You can listen to it live Wednesday Nights at 11pm Eastern Standard Time at www.wesufm.org or download and stream old episodes at http://yourmindandwe.notlong.com .

Playlists are available at http://www.wesufm.org/forum/viewforum.php?f=65, as well on on my myspace, http://myspace.com/psychsnotdead.

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the control of the poison. [Apr. 5th, 2005|09:17 pm]
The Psycho-Explorers

[i'm feeling... |quixoticquixotic]
[play this in the jukebox: |nobody's listening-linkin park]

The control of the poison.

This poison.
Seeping through my veins
Does naught
But remind me of this pain.
This shame.
I cannot escape

It takes me nowhere
But I cannot leave.
Forever trapped
In it’s filthy misery.

I run away
Only to return.
I’m falling deeper,
I never learn.

It torments me,
It controls my mind.
Peace and rest
I cannot find.

Until I give in,
My body can’t take it.
I need it. I hate it.
But I can no longer fake it.

….and I have absolutely no idea why I just wrote that. I’ve never touched it, not in my whole life…although sometimes it seems that it would be so easy to just take it now, as a fix, a quick fix. But it doesn’t last, it won’t last..it will only leave me worse than when I started….and probably more alone than I ever was.
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i was not pulled back.... [Mar. 31st, 2005|04:04 pm]
The Psycho-Explorers

[i'm feeling... |indifferentindifferent]
[play this in the jukebox: |mood rings-reliant K]

I haven’t any idea why this popped into my head during the middle of english class, but I was reminded…it must have been 5 or 6 years ago by now. I didn’t even really know him…I guess his death affected me more than I know though, for it to pop out unawares 6 years later.

Take this hollow shell I am,
Bury me, I’ll return to sand.
I have naught to do with love, or play;
Dig my grave. There let me stay.
Don’t drag me up, and make me breath;
I want no life in memory.
Now I am gone, my pain choked short.
I cannot feel. Don’t grieve my abort.
I care not for what you think,
I stood an eternity upon the brink
Waiting – waiting
I was not pulled back.
I fell. A rush.
Then sight was black.
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stay [Mar. 13th, 2005|10:38 pm]
The Psycho-Explorers

[i'm feeling... |frustratedfrustrated]
[play this in the jukebox: |knowdaverbs]

my own fault has brought me here
his blood would let me leave
but i prefer to stay here
trapped in my misery
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the death of my brother [Mar. 8th, 2005|03:14 pm]
The Psycho-Explorers
[i'm feeling... |scaredscared]
[play this in the jukebox: |assemblage]

i had a terrible nightmare last night...in fact, i had a few fucked up dreams. one was just so awful, i actually was sobbing when i half-woke up afterwards.

my brother (kevin) and i had just gone to the grocery store and were pulling into the "mccormick parking lot" (in other words, the lot that WOULD be for my dorm if we had a parking lot outside there). it wasn't set up like mccormick, but like an apartment. i asked kevin to help me carry in my groceries, but he refused and got out of the car. he was about to walk to his apartment and since he wouldn't help, i just drove forward a little, frustrated. for some reason, i had to park the car in a different spot. but when i was taking my groceries out, my brother came running back and i thought that he wanted something from the car. since he didn't help me, i decided to play a little joke and hopped in the front seat and drove forward a little. i opened my window and laughed, but he just frantically asked what time it was. i told him (it was on the hour of something) and drove around a row of cars in the parking lot. while i was doing that, he was running after the car saying that we HAD to go! so i sped back around the row (i had made a complete circle around two rows of parked cars) and yelled at him to get in. but while i was yelling at him to get in, a car came screeching in the entrance (very similar to the 21 dairy queen parking lot entrance), drove in between my car and kevin...and pumped 4 bullets into the back of his head. my reaction was very similar to elizabeth's in pirates of the caribbean when that guy opens the front door and immediately gets shot. i start yelling and screaming madly at the car as it speeds off. i'm crying, going into hysterics. i run to kevin and start shaking him, calling the police on my cell phone. i'm screaming at him to get up, to be ok and he isn't moving.

at this point, i half-woke up and was crying. not just crying though, i was moaning and hurting and sobbing. my pillow was getting hardcore wet and i was clutching my body pillow. i might have even screamed during my dream and continued the loud cries...but that, i don't remember. it was just awful.

the next dream was a sort of follow-up, but it took place during fantasy medieval times. i had joined a society devoted to saving people's lives because of my brother's death. i would fight (with swords...like, short pirate swords) and the reason i was so eager to join wasn't as much for the sake of saving people as it was to die. without my brother, i was willing to do something and just die. a lot of people wanted to join and we had a party, but only the members could get in without waiting in line. everyone else had to wait in a line, similar to a roller coaster and the members had something similar to fast passes. their swords were like the fast pass. i was wearing a tunic and my sword was partially blue.

all i remember is that during a fight, i had a baby on the battle field and while i was trying to get it to safety, but someone rode by on a horse and killed it. i was sad, but not nearly as affected as when my brother died. when i returned home with my baby's dead body, i went to bryan's to show him what happened. bryan then left me for letting our baby die (yeah...uh, had a bryan with baby. ? i dunno). the end of the dream was like the poignant end of a movie, with me standing alone in the field, with slaughtered bodies all around me. i fell to my knees and just stared at the grass. ridiculous.

the most amazing thing is my reaction to my brother's death...in real life. i literally thought it happened, even when i was awake and in my bed. i had thought that i had been sleeping, depressed there or something after it had happened. it totally didn't make sense, but that has been probably my strongest sad reaction to a nightmare ever (unless i had a stronger reaction as a kid to something).
came from.
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love sees what the beloved is meant to be [Mar. 1st, 2005|05:41 pm]
The Psycho-Explorers
[i'm feeling... |soresore]
[play this in the jukebox: |head automatica - beating heart baby]

i admitadely have problems worrying that whoever i'm with will cheat on me. right now i'm with bryan, and i feel this will be for our ever. i was pretty sure that i had almost entirely eliminated those worries of infidelity, but they keep popping up again in nightmares (each one occuring while he came from 8 hours away to visit me!):

they're all pretty basic.

at my school, you have to sign people in overnight, only if they're the same sex. consequently, i have to find a guy who will sign in bryan when he visits and then have bryan stay in my room for the night. and the other person has to stay in the dorm as well. luckily awhile ago, we found bill who's cool as fuck and is always willing to sign him in. one night that he did it though, he wanted to go out and smoke after my opposite sex visiting hours (till 2:00 am), so bryan had to go with him and i stayed in my room. bryan was only expected to be gone for 30 min. at most and since he didn't come back for a long time (prob an hour and a half), my mind decided to get creative as i dozed off.

the first one was plain and simple: what was taking bryan so long to return is that he was cheating on me with some chick that bill introduced him to. i didn't really believe this, but my dream made it very vivid and very believable. that's really all there was to it. the second one was one that i felt with every one of my senses. i heard bryan unlocking the door, but stayed in my sleeping position, almost to see if he would cuddle up to me. but instead, i heard voices...a girl's voice. bryan called her katherine and he was saying, "don't worry. this is her room, but she's sleeping, so we'll just do it here and then quickly leave." i felt the weight of two bodies on my bed as they started to have quiet sex. i felt the tears rolling down my cheeks as a silently cried. then bryan quickly got dressed and had her leave. he then cuddled next to me, almost as if it was me he just had sex with. of course both of these were nightmares, nightmares because i pretty much felt like killing myself after i woke up. feelings of betrayal and lost love are probably the worst physical emotions i've ever felt.

the other was after the car accident this weekend...the night of the accident, i fell asleep (in his arms mind you) and dreamt that i asked him some question. i don't remember what, but his response was "cuz i wanna fuck her." and i was so shocked and in disbelief that i kept asking him over and over the question...each time he responded with an answer rewording the first response. the girl's name was allison that he was talking about and this time, i was just angry. not as much sad as angry.

the only reason i'm writing these is because i'm wondering if maybe stress could be causing them. i don't feel jealous or worried that bryan will cheat on me. i know he loves me and i can rationally conclude that he isn't doing anything that would hurt me...but each nightmare followed after a stressful event (sneaking him in my dorm and getting in a pretty bad accident). what i don't understand is that if i am in fact over these feelings of jealousy and worry (which trust me...have been legitimized in my past), why would they resurface in my dreams? they seem to be the only ones i remember, at least recently. and, it's interesting that i mainly have them when we're sleeping together and that they're all physical infidelity...rather than emotional. when emotional would probably really be worse, in my opinion. perhaps that's just because people in the past have mainly only betrayed me in a relationship sense, physically. any thoughts?
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New Member [Mar. 1st, 2005|09:42 am]
The Psycho-Explorers

Hi all:

After searching for a communitiy to discuss the human development theories, I found this one. I know that this community is not dedicated to theories...however the userinfo did mention theories...so let me begin...

my name is vanessa (24), i am a grad student (SPECIAL EDUCATION)(i am switcing careers from compuiter science to this, so i do not understand the theories_), a wife and a mother. aside from always thinking about the developmental milestones of my sons life, i also wonder about my husbands way of being along with everything else as well...i tend to find meaning in everyday things...sometimes some that are silly...

currently, i am wondering about four theories. I am confused a little but their perspectives, mechanisms of change and if our role in them are active or passive...

maybe this community can help clear me up...

okay here goes, this is what i know...(or think i know)

the Psychoanalytic/Psychodynamic by Freud and Erickson this is what i know :•
-based on inner conflicts and how these conflicts affect our development
-has the “physic energy” which are the conscious (id = the child in us), unconscious (ego=reality principal) and the preconscious (super-ego=sense of morality)
-has the four developmental stages which are : oral, anal, phallic and genital

as for the mechansisms of change...i am a little confused...i believe that this theory is an active...becuase whether it is unconciously or not we respond to our surroundings...

the next theory is the behaviroal by watson and skinner...

and the third is piaget, cogntive development

and finalyl the epigenetic theoretical perspective...

any help would be appreciated...
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a dream [Feb. 27th, 2005|09:15 pm]
The Psycho-Explorers

[i'm feeling... |artisticartistic]
[play this in the jukebox: |we as america-eminem]

A dream.

I don’t understand it, but it’s like the third time I’ve had it. the scary thing is, I can never remember my dreams long enough to write them down, but I can remember every detail of this one…..it frieks me out.
It starts, and I’m in a forest. A dark dark forest with monster trees, and a perfectly cleared, straight trail right through the middle of the trees. There wasn’t any light at all, cause the trees made a dense canopy over the top of the path; and yet, the path was light, like light was coming from within it. I was on that path, running down it. Just running, running, not running away from anything, just running. Running forever down an endless path in an endless forest for an endless amount of time.
Presently there hoofbeats on the path behind me, and two horses pulled up alongside me, with no riders, no saddles and no reins. One was snow white, and the other jet black. The white horse let off a brilliant light, but it was a cold, unwelcoming light. The black horse let off darkness, of course, but it was inviting and friendly. The path was perfectly divided down the middle with light on one side and dark on the other. Then, weirdly enough, the horses merged together on that line, right through me, and then I was riding on a gray horse. It was transparent almost, like a shadow, and yet still solid, cause I could feel it beneath me. The horse was galloping, and we were going ever so much faster than just me running….but it felt so wrong. I couldn’t get off though, and we galloping forever it seemed till suddenly the forest ended. The trees just stopped, and in their place was darkness, pitch black, except on the path, which was still lit brightly. The horse kept flickering in and out, like one minute it would be white and the next it would be black. The white lit up the darkness, but it was so bright, it almost seemed angry or something. The black was dark, comforting almost. It kept blinking more n’ more till it was like a strobe light……and then I woke up.
It’s not a particulary scary dream, but I donno…it frieks me out. I always wake up from that feeling like I’m drunk or drugged or something like that, and it lasts for like half an hour like everything’s in a haze. I donno..it scares me.
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a thought to ponder [Feb. 18th, 2005|01:51 pm]
The Psycho-Explorers

[i'm feeling... |contemplativecontemplative]
[play this in the jukebox: |first snow]

a thought to ponder:

there are more people who wish to be loved then there are who are willing to love.
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a dream...cuz i didn't wake up feeling like it was a nightmare [Feb. 13th, 2005|11:38 am]
The Psycho-Explorers
[i'm feeling... |scaredweirded out]
[play this in the jukebox: |glassjaw - piano]

i was pregnant. i don't remember much because i've been doing some stuff since i woke up, but the dream was very vivid. i had to go on a vacation with my family and some other people (i don't know who the other people are), but it was as if they were my family, too. of course, i had to leave bryan for some time. the first thing i really remember is that i started to feel bloated and heavier than usual. sometimes i get this anyway, like when i've been eating too much for weeks at a time (ie CHRISTMAS BREAK). and then i realize that i have to start moving and eating healthier again and that's exactly what i thought in my dream. but even after much persistence, i only got worse. i shrugged it off and kept vacationing with my family until i heard my parents talking about me. they were talking about me being pregnant! how did they know before me? i wasn't even showing! but i guess i was due soon. in about a month. we must have been on vacation for a long time. so as soon as i found out i was pregnant, i started to have pains, but we were stuck in traffic. really bad traffic. so someone in the car started screaming and cars moved out of our way so we could get to this massive rest area (massive for a rest area) and we started desperately looking for university hospital. but we couldn't find it and i thought i saw the sign, but it turned out to be something else, which isn't surprising since lately my visions been a little blurry and dizzy. so i started screaming that i needed to have the baby right away and this male cop was leaning against a car, just staring. i started yelling at him and then i started yelling at my dad from a first person point of view. my dad looked scared and haha, it was funny because it looked like i was gonna shoot the baby out at him. that's what his expression looked like it was anticipating. suddenly, some black woman in a girl scout uniform shows up and we ask her if she knows how to deliver a baby. she says, "honey, i can deliver a baby in no more than a minute." so i really fucking lucked out (yet i think, how can you deliver a baby any faster than it's supposed to be delivered...) and she has me lie down on a blanket. but these are the details i don't remember. she keeps doing all this shit to prep me and i can suddenly see how it could only take a min to deliver because she was taking forever to prepare me. and meanwhile, i was holding the baby in like you would hold something in if you had to go to the bathroom. and the end of the deram was me, lying down with all the preparation done, waiting for the baby to come out. and it felt like i was waiting for 5 min or so until i finally just woke up and found myself lying on my back, which is a position i'm never in. i've never woken up in the position i was in in the dream when i don't like being in that position. huh. weird.

then i also remembered some superstituous mumbo jumbo that sara told me once after her dream about being pregnant. when you have one of those dreams, that means that (you) or someone you know is pregnant or has had a baby (and it was true in her case...twice. :$)
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